You lock the door, get halfway down the stairs, and turn back, certain you didn’t actually switch off the gas, even though some part of you remembers doing it. Or you pat your bag three times in the first ten minutes of a journey, checking your phone, your wallet, your keys are all still there, even though you checked before you left the house. If this has started happening more in the last year or two, and you’re in your 40s or early 50s, it is worth knowing this specific kind of anxious, repetitive checking is a real and fairly common perimenopausal pattern, not a sign you’re losing your mind.
Quick Answer
Compulsive checking behaviours, repeatedly verifying the stove, locks, or your bag's contents, often increase in perimenopause because fluctuating oestrogen affects both anxiety levels and working memory, the two things that together create the specific loop of "I can't quite trust that I remember doing this, so I need to check again." For most women this is a frustrating but manageable anxiety pattern rather than a new psychiatric diagnosis, though it's worth mentioning to your doctor if it's becoming frequent, time-consuming, or distressing enough to interfere with daily life.
- This pattern combines two perimenopausal changes: rising background anxiety and less reliable working memory
- It typically centres on safety-related items: the stove, door locks, your bag, sometimes the car
- It's different from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) for most women, though occasionally the two overlap
- Checking once calmly is reasonable; checking repeatedly and still not feeling reassured is the pattern worth addressing
- Simple habit changes can meaningfully reduce it, alongside addressing the underlying anxiety and sleep disruption
Why Does This Specific Thing Start Now?
Two perimenopausal changes meet here, and it’s the combination, not either one alone, that produces this exact pattern. Oestrogen plays a meaningful role in regulating both anxiety and certain aspects of working memory, the kind of memory that holds recent, routine actions long enough for you to feel confident they happened. As oestrogen fluctuates unpredictably through perimenopause, many women notice both a rise in generalised anxiety and a less reliable sense of having just done something, even something as automatic as switching off a stove. Put those together, and the mind reaches for certainty through repetition: checking again becomes the way to resolve the discomfort of not trusting your own recent memory.
This is genuinely different from simply being more forgetful in a general sense. Forgetting where you put your keys is a memory lapse. Walking back three times to re-verify something you most likely already did correctly is an anxiety response layered on top of memory uncertainty, and the two call for somewhat different approaches.
Is This a Sign of OCD or Something More Serious?
For most women experiencing this for the first time in perimenopause, no, this is a situational anxiety pattern, not obsessive-compulsive disorder. OCD involves a more persistent, pervasive pattern of intrusive thoughts and compulsions that typically exists well before midlife and significantly impairs daily functioning across many areas, not a checking habit that emerged specifically alongside other perimenopausal symptoms and is largely confined to safety-related items.
That said, if checking behaviours are taking up significant time each day, causing real distress, or expanding into other areas of your life beyond the stove, locks, and your bag, it is worth mentioning to your doctor rather than assuming it will resolve entirely on its own. This isn’t about alarming yourself, most cases genuinely are manageable perimenopausal anxiety, but a doctor can help distinguish a transient hormonal pattern from something that might benefit from more structured support, including therapy approaches that specifically address compulsive checking.
What Actually Helps?
Build a small, consistent physical ritual around the action itself, so there’s something concrete to recall instead of relying on a vague mental impression. Saying out loud, “stove off,” as you turn the knob, or physically tapping the switch twice while naming it, gives your memory something more specific and multisensory to hold onto than the action alone, which can genuinely reduce the urge to go back and check.
Address the anxiety directly, not just the checking. Since rising background anxiety is half of what’s driving this, the same strategies that help general perimenopausal anxiety, consistent sleep, movement, limiting caffeine later in the day, and talking to your doctor about options if anxiety is significant, tend to reduce checking behaviours as a side effect, even without targeting the checking itself.
Set a reasonable limit for yourself. If you’ve checked once and left the ritual phrase or action in place, try to let the second checking urge pass for a minute or two before acting on it. Often the urge fades once you give it a short pause rather than immediately obeying it, and each time you successfully resist, the loop weakens slightly.
In the Indian Context
Gas stoves remain the norm in most Indian kitchens, often without an automatic shut-off feature, which gives this particular anxiety a genuinely higher stakes backdrop than it might have with an induction or electric stove. This is worth naming honestly: the anxiety isn’t purely irrational, gas safety is a real consideration, which is partly why it’s such a common specific fixation. A practical step some households find reassuring is installing a basic gas leak detector, a relatively inexpensive device, which can offer genuine peace of mind on top of any habit changes.
In joint families, it can also help to agree on a simple, visible signal, a specific knob position, a small sign, or asking whoever cooks last to confirm out loud, so the responsibility and the reassurance aren’t resting on one person’s uncertain memory alone. This isn’t about admitting failure, it’s a practical adjustment many households make without anyone needing to over-explain why.
| Pattern | Likely explanation | What to try |
|---|---|---|
| Occasional single re-check, then genuine relief | Normal caution, not a concerning pattern | No specific action needed |
| Repeated checking, same item, temporary relief each time | The anxiety-plus-memory loop described above | Build a verbal or physical ritual, address underlying anxiety |
| Checking expanding to many items, taking up significant time daily | Worth a closer look | Mention it to your doctor |
| Checking alongside other new, persistent intrusive worries | Worth professional evaluation | Raise with your doctor, who can assess whether further support is needed |
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to go back and check the stove more than once? A single reasonable check is normal for most people. Repeated checking of the same thing, with temporary relief each time, is common in perimenopause but is an anxiety pattern worth actively addressing rather than simply living with indefinitely.
Will this go away once I’m past perimenopause? For many women, yes, as hormonal fluctuation stabilises and anxiety levels settle, the checking pattern often eases. For some, the underlying anxiety or the habit itself persists and benefits from being addressed directly rather than assumed to resolve on its own.
Should I be worried this means I have a memory problem like early dementia? This specific pattern, checking something you likely already did correctly, is much more consistent with anxiety interacting with normal perimenopausal brain fog than with a progressive memory condition. If you have other, broader concerns about memory or cognition, it’s worth raising them separately with your doctor.
Can hormone therapy help with this? Hormone therapy may help indirectly by stabilising some of the hormonal fluctuation contributing to both anxiety and working memory changes, but it isn’t a targeted or guaranteed fix for checking behaviours specifically. It’s worth discussing your overall symptom picture with your doctor to decide what’s appropriate for you.
The Second Spring is an information resource, not a medical provider. For personal advice, speak with your doctor or gynaecologist. Write to us at thesecondspringofficial@gmail.com
You Don't Have to Go Through This Alone
Perimenopause can feel confusing and isolating, but you don't have to figure it out by yourself. Talk to a gynaecologist or doctor who understands perimenopause about what you're experiencing, or see how other Indian women are navigating the same changes in our community.
In a medical emergency, call 112. For mental health support, iCall can be reached at 9152987821 (Mon–Sat, 8am–10pm).
